Alhamdulillah...
MashaAllah, TabarakAllah. Both of our children have grown up healthy and are now 10 and 7 years old.
To me, MARRIAGE is a social relationship between two individuals with contrasting personalities living under the same roof. Whether we like it or not, marriage is surrounded by differences in beliefs, respect, culture, and the society we live in, whether within a country or a state. Conflicts in a marriage are inevitable, especially because of the age difference between my wife and me, or perhaps because we have different ways of trying to build what we both hoped would be a perfect family.
Sadness...
I often wonder whether the way I spoke, the way I acted, and the advice I gave were perceived as insulting or belittling her. Perhaps the way I delivered my advice and my words had been hurting my wife's feelings ever since we got married, causing our relationship to gradually grow cold because she felt that I did not respect her as my wife or stand up for her when she was insulted by my former wife, or when my children from my previous marriage failed to respect her. Those experiences continued to haunt her with negative emotions until this very day.
On 9 January 2024, my wife filed for divorce at the Syariah Court. We were given an opportunity to change and were granted one month to try to save our marriage. From my perspective, men and women often deal with problems differently. As a man, I have my ego. Sometimes I do not think too deeply or I choose not to let small matters become bigger issues. Women, however, often need attention. They need to feel protected, defended, and reassured that their husband stands by them. In the end, I failed once again in my attempt to make this second marriage stronger and better than my first.
In the end...
When my wife finally admitted that her heart had grown cold after nearly ten years of marriage, it was a devastating blow to me as both a husband and a man. My greatest weakness was that I was not the husband she truly wanted. Although I fulfilled my responsibilities as the head of the family, I never neglected my duties, whether emotional, physical, or financial. I also shared the household responsibilities and took an active role in raising our children. Yet all the good that I had done seemed insignificant in her eyes. It was still not enough to heal the wounds she had carried for so long, wounds that eventually consumed her from within.
As for me, once I said something, I would usually forget about it the next day and focus on working, earning a living, and moving forward with life. But for her, the pain never faded—it only grew worse. It became more severe with time.
Perhaps...
Perhaps all of this was still not enough for my wife. Her pride was so strong that she no longer gave me any room or opportunity to make things right. Instead, her resentment toward me continued to grow until it reached its final point, where she could no longer bear even the sight of my face—the face of a man who had sacrificed so much in an effort to build a happy family.
After 9 January 2024, we tried to restore our troubled relationship and bring clarity where there had been confusion. Together, we agreed that she should perform Umrah so that she could focus on drawing closer to Allah. Upon returning from Umrah, she attended the SAPIM course at Masjid Bandaraya and participated in various Islamic programmes. Her life changed completely. She transformed from wearing tight-fitting clothes to wearing modest abayas and long hijabs. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT answered my prayers.
She is a good mother—firm in ensuring that our children follow the right path. She helped me greatly in our efforts to build this family. She never demanded more than what I was capable of providing.
A Reality...
Yet all the good I had done was still not enough for her to love her husband—the man who had elevated her, in my eyes, from an ordinary person to the queen of our little family. Her determination only grew stronger when, for the second time, she expressed her wish that we should no longer live under the same roof and instead separate peacefully under certain conditions.
Those conditions were difficult for me to accept. They stirred deep anger within me, even though she asked with kindness and respect. I had believed that she would change, that together we would continue building this family until the end of my life. Instead, her request shattered those hopes, and for a moment I lost myself.
Even before this, our marital intimacy had become less frequent because I always waited for her to be emotionally ready. I never wanted to force her. Yet it became clear that she still could not let go of the negative experiences she associated with me. I was overwhelmed with disappointment and pain. InshaAllah, with Allah's help, my heart will heal. Ameen.
My Illness...
I know that I live with an illness that cannot be cured. It can only be controlled through continuous medication, which, by the will of Allah SWT, may prolong my life. I know who I am—a servant of Allah who longs only for a little love, appreciation, and affection from the woman I call my wife.
I wanted a wife who would respect me as the head of the family, a husband who has always carried his responsibilities faithfully. Alhamdulillah, my family has never gone hungry. Allah has always blessed us with sustenance, even though we have never been as wealthy as we might have wished.
Every religion values harmony in human life. Islam, in particular, provides a complete and beautifully structured guide for every aspect of human existence through the Holy Qur'an and the Hadith of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Among its teachings is the guidance on how to build a harmonious, loving, and peaceful family for all mankind.
Allah SWT says in Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21:
"And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection (Al-Mawaddah) and mercy (Al-Rahmah). Indeed, in that are signs for people who reflect."
Hanging by a Thread...
Our relationship is now standing at a crossroads, heading towards something that is not favoured by Allah SWT, even though it is something that is permissible in Islam. If I am asked about my feelings, I still love her. I still respect her as my wife, and never once did I intend to insult or humiliate her.
Perhaps the way I spoke was not suitable for her to receive. Perhaps the way I advised her did not align with her background and understanding. Perhaps the words I used did not reflect the goodness that I intended, but from her perspective, they were seen as insults.
Now, I surrender everything to Allah SWT, the Almighty. If this is the destiny written for me in the Luh Mahfuz, I accept it with an open heart. However, regarding her request for divorce, I will accept the decree of Allah, but deep in my heart, I cannot simply accept the destruction of the marriage that I built with sincerity and dedication all these years.
My mistakes, my shortcomings, my weaknesses, and even my jealousy have been repaid with separation.
Was it worth it?
I am only a husband whose bond can be ended through a legal and religious process. I am not a blood relative whose relationship cannot simply be severed after a disagreement. If I am asked whether I still love and care for my wife, it would be a lie if I denied it.
My love for her has always been sincere and unconditional, just as I love and cherish my children, S and M.
Crying in Pain...
I have cried many times over my fate. At an age when I have entered my 50s, I once again have to face such a painful marital challenge. I realise that I may not be as great as younger men who might understand her better and carry this responsibility more effectively than I have.
Sometimes, I wonder if this is a form of kifarah for the disappointments I caused in my previous relationship. 😥
I hoped that she would see the goodness within me, but instead, I failed. Her resentment towards me grew stronger until the love she once had for me disappeared. Now, she treats me with a coldness that feels colder than the North and South Poles.
I thought this warmth would last until the evening, but instead, rain came in the middle of the day.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and that every destiny has been written since I was still in my mother's womb. What I need most now are my children. I promise myself that I will ensure they do not suffer as I have suffered. I will protect and care for them like a precious treasure, because that is my responsibility and my promise.
InsyaAllah, as long as I still have the strength and my health allows me, I will continue to care for my children and provide them with thebest guidance and education.
To my wife, who has lost her feelings and grown distant from me, I still hope that a small amount of love remains in your heart for me. I hope you will find a way to love me again before the final decision is made in court.
Allahu Akbar... 😭
Finally... I have failed again. 😭🙏
Conclusion
The harmony of a family is not determined solely by status, wealth, position, or material possessions. The true foundation of family happiness lies in our intention towards Allah — to make the family we have been entrusted with an investment for our future in this world and the hereafter.
We must acknowledge that our lives, our families, our children, and our spouses are all trusts given by Allah SWT to us.
Every family seeks happiness in different ways, but true harmony must be nurtured through the foundation of religion, knowledge of life, and understanding of family responsibilities.
Whatever has happened, I accept it as a lesson in my journey of life. My 30 years living in the Land Below the Wind have never been free from challenges and trials.
Chasing human love may bring suffering, but chasing the love of Allah brings peace and happiness until the end.
Now, I am learning to be more open-hearted and to accept whatever Allah has destined for me.
On 24 June, I uttered words that I never imagined I would say before a Judge at the Syariah Court. I was asked to end this relationship in order to reset a marriage that had been built for more than 10 years.
💔💔💔
During this period of my life,
my prayers never cease — even when my steps become tired with the passing of time.
I pray that the remaining years of my life will not merely be spent waiting,
but will become a healing remedy —
for the wounds of yesterday,
for a soul that has endured disappointment,
and for a heart that was once left behind by the journey of time.
If I am given another opportunity,
I want to become the best version of myself.
Not to be remembered,
but to leave behind a trail of kindness that does not need to be spoken of.
If I am given another opportunity,
I will express gratitude every morning,
I will spread love through every smile,
and I will plant patience in every trial that comes my way.
My Lord...
If this is the ending that You have written for me,
grant me a peaceful acceptance,
and a love that never fades —
from You and from the people I have always cherished.
I pray that I may return to her with a calmer heart,
with understanding and sincerity,
so that the remaining light of my life may shine brightly,
like the radiant light of the sky at dawn.
But if there is no longer an opportunity,
let this prayer be a witness
that I once hoped...
I once regretted...
And I once truly wanted to become a better person —
before everything became too late.
👐👐👐